My sister got married, Yapeee! And now i am back in Canada. It is not the most wonderful experience possible, my ear frequency is tuned because i went from the hustling and bustling of pindi/islamabad to the eerie, routine and procedural quite of Canada. It is quiet frustrating if you ask me. Everytime i go out all i can hear is the wind. Frankly, i am getting sick and tired of Toronto and the more i reflect upon it the more sour and depressed i become. Pakistan was a beautiful time, fun time, engaging time. My sister looked like the most beautiful  bride i could ever imagine and as much as this belongs on the formulaic shelf of Bollywood, for me atleast its the truth. She looked completly different and very happy and thankfully non-dramatic for a Pakistani bride. I wish my baby all the luck and happiness in the world.

Ever since i came to Toronto i have loathed this city and in my heart i have made a decision that i am going to give myself ONE year in this frozen cesspool and if i dont find any promising prospect in terms of my career or any engaging activity i immerse myself in, i will leave this city though i wish i have the resources to just leave this country. Now if i can only convince my brain to accept this wager of my destiny. I realize that when i come back over here an irrational fear takes hold of me, confidence and self-esteem both take a steep tumble, my attitude is different from what it should be, i dont feel like myself, and generally i feel like a hamster trapped in a labrynth. I came here with great hopes and even greater dreams and now like a dejected poet i have thrown my pen and pad into the lake. In an effort to be accepted, to behave like what i have seen in movies, read in magazines and imagined in countless dreams, i lost the sight of what was really supposed to be done. My car went off the road and i was no longer in the frequency that i should have been. I clowned around, struggled to speak and act in a certain manner which was infinitely different from what i was and what i was comfortable with. Made a complete fool and Jackass of myself. Perhaps no one will know how much i feel like turning the wheels of time and changing everything. Change seems like such an outdated adjective once you realize that a lot that needs changin is in the past. I lost focus, began studying irregularly and worse half-heartedly. Began husstling assignments, became lazy and deadbeat when it came to apply from work. The extent of my empathy and the profoundness of my foolishness is evident from the fact that i was more or less fired from my first FIVE jobs. My social skills, if i had any to begin with, became worse than that of a hermit. Couldnt talk to girls let alone date one, i sucked at sports from the beginning so that was just a non-starter. Laboriously i came to the end of University and looking back i realized that in what was supposed to be "the best times of our lives", i had not one achievement to call my own except for graduating from my program without dropping out. On that note, i came back and stayed in University so i can take some extra Accounting credits so i can pursue my career. Cookies for guessing what happened on my return. I passed some courses with decent grades. I more or less failed others and forever tied an iron anchor around my future career prospects. Fuck do i hate myself for doing it. Came back , paid extra, end result 0. Kind of like spending all that money on the hot chick to win her love only to see her go with the other guy, leaving you with the dinner tab. Disappointing

Finally, i come to my friends. I have been lucky to have some really genuine people to call my friends over the years. But i have also been dealt some really bad cards in the friend department. My best friend was a good, observant, smart guy. But he was obsessed about becoming and acting Canadian, winning the respect of people here, and creating a style for himself so he can attract the beauties that walk this land. He more or less achieved all of these purposes but he went extreme in every department thereby ending up pissing a number of people off and exerting more pressure on me to be like him. Now i liked his style and i must say that he was a big, perhaps irreplaceable part of all the maturity i have gained over the years, and i admit that a major fault was with me. My irritating and damaging habit of being over-anxious, stressed, confidence challenged, lack of analytical abilities smokescreened me from seeing the benefits that he wanted me to reap by learning from him. He would have been happy if i had just learnt to stand up for myself and defend my principles. I did not...not then atleast. I have improved since. But he pushed hard as he was very self-concious, more than he would have liked to admit of peoples opinion. and when fires were stroked regarding the nature of our relationship, he just burst and the whole friendship just collapsed. We fought, hand-to-hand even, and finally went our seperate ways. He went back home to India still friends with some of the people who provided the poison pill when our friendship was feeling sickly. We were mutual friends with this other turkish guy and in hindsight he was the second most important influence on me in learning to see things in a different manner and being more mature. But i was just fucked up then, didnt use to talk much when me, him and my best friend use to hang out. He started thinking i had a problem, perhaps even a cultural problem, that i was sick or retarded or just plain awkward or weird. I admit i was probably the last two. Still we went our seperate ways on amicable terms though i cannot help but wonder whether he fueled the conflict between me and my bff and fired up the rumours about our friendship that brought about the its end in a very non-subtle manner. He could have, he was clever enough to do that though i think he was a good human being and would not have taken such a step. I had some other buddies. They are good, decent hardworking guys. I have a friend who suffers from chronic depression much worse than mine and after the both the former, he is the closest i have felt in thinking and perspectives in a friend. I hope and pay for his well-being and success. And i had two really fucked up individuals, two snakes i would love to butcher by own hands. Sajjad and Umer, i wish i can kill you guys you stupid motherfucking, ass licking, stinking piles of apeshit. To my ex-BFF, i am sorry for the part i played in ending our friendship culminating in our fight due to the email i sent you. I didnt admit it then but i confess it now, if you read this you know what to do.  Gosh, some friends have really taken advantage and treated me like horse shit and some i have not treated and respected them in the way that i should have. I think i dont know how to behave in a friendship.
I am sorry and perhaps these are the reasons why i have only a couple of friends i keep in touch with on a regular basis. I do feel very lonely none more so than right now when everyone in my family is back in my beloved Pakistan and i am struck in this wreatched, snobbish, arrogant, pretentious stink farm known as Toronto. I feel like a loser sometimes, i hope i dont end up a fuck up. I hope i can still carve out a career in Accounting and do go with my bass guitar playing. Sometimes a place or asset or event is just unlucky for you. T. Dot is that kind of city for me so perhaps its not entirely the city's fault but i will hate it for what has happened to me here. I love my family and i will miss my sisters and insallah, when she is a mum, i will treat her kids as my own. These are my two long cents. I am exhausted now. I will go watch some t.v. Good bye

 

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to the most happening blog in town, with exactly 0 responses to any of my previous postings, which either means that people have found better and more noble endeavours to pursue then waste their time listening to rantings that they themselves can engage in the confort of their washrooms OR i just havent had the activeness to advertise my blog on the clunky behemoth world on online web browsing. My heart says the latter but my mind says believe the latter but its probably the former.

The U.S presidential election campaign is entering its final 50 days of intense and brutal campaigning. What will happen during the next 50 days will resemble something that all great literary figures of the past could only imagine on a cocktail of Acid, Ecstasy, and Cocaine. There will be a lot of negative campaiging, accusations ( real or perceived), smears, insults, abuse, and belittling of record of both major party candidates, Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain.
in the Interest of Fairness, i will declare that i am supporting Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States because i have come to the realization that America today is as frightened as any poor soul that ventures into a Pakistani Police station to lodge an a complaint against a particular party. Slowly the nervousness in the States is giving away to the hopeless, desperate fear of a rape, homicide or robbery victim in Pakistan. Extending the elasticity of the analogy, the perpetrators are the Policemen or some acquaintance or higher political party that the policemen are on payroll of.  Those policemen in America are the Republican party who are either complict or directly responsible for the worst of ills facing the American nation from the headon collision of the U.S economy as dramatically emphasized by the obliteration of financial institution Lehman brothers and the Wal-Mart sale of Merrill Lynch to Bank of America for $50 billion, a pricve 50% less than its estimated real value of $100 bn in 2007. Add this unfolding train wreck to the Iraq War, a beliigerent and defiance emergence of autocratic world powers such as Russia, foreclosures, credit crunch, corruption, moral and ethical questions and a general loss of American prestige in the world. Due to these myriad of factors, i support a change, hell even a whiff of fresh air, offered by the Democrats to the increasingly old man-spicy librarian combination of McCain and Palin.

I know that Obama is inexperienced, but he has a steady, comforting, seasoned hand of Joe Biden and Democrats to guide him to face the most pressing economic, political and social problems that America is in the midst of combatting.  We all know that the Republicans stink,  and just like a skunk, they have peed upon their misdeeds consistently that the smell is now as big as the State of Texas. Add to that the fact that Republicans keep on following the Texan motto of "Dont Mess with Texas", by bastardizing it as "Dont mess with Republicans", and this has allowed the present crisis to snowball from a mistake, to a stumble, to an error, to crisis, to damage and finally to complete catastrophe, all because Republicans were too arrogant, bombastic, blustering and bullet headed to admit their mistakes and come up with something more than a Band-Aid solution. Has it ever occured to people that the most boldest thing done by the Republican party in 8 years has been John McCain's selection of Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate. If only this much gritty maverickness was present to deal with economic downturn,. lost jobs, foreclosed homes, unemployment, and unwinnable wars.

Having made these anlysis, i will attempt to make regular updates to my election blog and pledge to be as non-partisan as possible despite my distinctively ASS-flavored analysis of how Republicans have forcibly opened America's legs and slammed their old, dis-credited decreipt junk into it. For tonight though, i will leave with the following analysis of where the race stands as it , courtesy of my own CBGB, Realclearpolitics.com:

Words are not my best friend
I find it hard to be expressive
Have trouble with alphabetical excesses

Took my car out for a run
Had to stop for our holy green urn
The merchant welcomed the innocous ducklings
He asked for our purpose of visit
We said "Mr we have some earnings we like to deposit"
He inquired about our id's
He was cautious against any fabricated IED's
We took out and showed proof of our existence
The merchant took that as proof of our coexistence
"He aint from Venice" passed the assurances

Went to the circus of humanity
Saw a number of bloated manity's
Beached they were on the bent and plastic pillars of the food court
Abandonningly munching they were like Pharoahs of the Kings court
They sat there bloating their ravenous girths
While the store managers sat downstairs gloating over their lucks

Ohhh how the world forces upon you the tedious tasks of describing your day
Whether you set sail or stayed at the bay
For me only onet thing matters
Some food, Some Y-Chrom But Money really matters
Therefore, i satyed at the bay

I have decided to take a morally ambigous route for this post of mine. That means....DRUM ROLL PLZ....that i will not be making any philosophical, spiritual or any other posting that gives off the impression that i belong to one of the lost Tribes of Tibetan Lama's.

No..this posting will only reflect upon the kind of day i have just spent. Notice i am ignoring recent history by not making any mention of the fact that i have spent the last god-knows-how-many-weeks being modest from livejournal and shying in its glorious, elegant, spohisticated and textually rich presence. Just kidding....NOT.....great you have fallen into another one of my lame joke gutter. "Hey, how is the stink there? Send us some waste caked greetings?"

I find that the older that i grow, the more mundane and routine my life becomes. A clear reflection of the mentioned fact is that i have actually REALIZED how boring my life has been lately. Man's greatest triumph and his most painful despair is epilogued by realization. Well, this is the epilogue of my  despair...or Big Lebowski slacker jacker tiumph....or whatever is it that comes in between. Perhaps a  life hanging as aimlessly as a flacid dick.

Anyways, staying loyal to my stringent routine of waking up late....i got up at 2.30 PM....rubbed my eyes and looked around the neat, peahcy room of my parents where in i was aboding for the daytime because the sunlight in my room was searingly blinding.....it stirkes your eyes with the force of the EMPIRE ( C'mon Star War geeks should be pretty knowledgeable about the metaphor from the ASS that i have just escerated), and leaves you searching for your blanket which is the only resource of cover and polar bear den like darkeness.

So, after washing my teeth and completing all the societally imposed dictatorial hygenie procedures.....i proceeded to watch 3 hours of entertaining and joyous display of Football served as the spicy hot main course of the Euro 2008 quarter final circus. The neddys( Dutch for the illetrate) were beaten by the boys from Moskova who travelled towards Basle through a treachrous journey made on the Volga. I was not interested neither heavily invested in the victory of any particular team. Though i must admit, like the old days of yore, there is perverse delight in seeing the underdogs win over the Goliat. I say this with an extremly heavy heart because of the sad, anguised faces of Oraange beauties that were left shattered and perhaps wet, as their beloved men in Orange were juiced out of every living fibre of Football they had, by the vodka drinking Trotskyites from the region of the Caucuses. Literally the Dutch were handed their balls on a hot plate fired up by the opaque alcoholic warmth of the genuine potato ineberition. The taste i believe must have been jaw breaking, tongue burning, teary eyed hot. But dont feel saddened for the boys from the City of Flowers and Red light district. The Dutch are going to drown out there sorrows, then  roll them, and smoke them up like bodily chemicals being released into the atmosphere through the chimneys of hundreds of mouths belonging to the tweed kramer electorate. The dutch have their flowers, their beautiful scandinivian women, or if not enough wealth accumulated through their status of being the premium destination for legions of British and European backpackers looking for legalized drugs, eastern european whores and the best damn trance music present on the east of the British isles. This wealth can then be spent minimizig your sorrows in grams of reefer, E's, LSD, mushrooms, or inserted( like a scalp on an operating table patient) between the long creamy legs of Eastern European prudes, whose bush i believe will still be smelling of  the cheapest the Scotsman has to offer.

After seeing the Dutch blowing up yet another opportunity to lift a major football title, i pretty much did nothing, except relax, enjoy the casual online connectivity of my den, and occasionally feeling spasm's of erection in my Big Part of the Male anatomy. Occasionally i have developed the habit of going downstairs and observing how the rest of the world is progressing But because of sheer coincedence of timing or something much much more sinister, the world always seems to regress when i go downstairs. I can think of hundreds of reasons for this but for that i will have to start a blog dedicated to Isaac Asimov and the innovative creativity that was displayed by his mind whose forsight was as gigantic as the planetary system that we reside in.

My parents went to the wedding of a girl who i firmly believe has hated me since the moment she set her eye's upon me and her derison towards my mere presence has become increasingly visible as weeks turn into months which transform into years. Even though i wish her well on this holiest of ventures upon which she has decided to embark, i only do so as a fellow human being and thus, for humane reasons only. She has given me worse glares than she would if she found her husband in bed with a South American Transexual and for her festivities i wont glare at them, i would close my eyes and just pass by.

I think i have nothing more to say as of this moment....it just feels so good to be back on livejournal and unloading a heavy baggage of my thoughts online....it is so fresh and liberating. I wont make any promises to be back at the earliest available opportunity....somehow the though of a promise tempts a mortal to consider its abrogration.....and i am not in the mood for something pessimistic to ruin the feelings of reinvigoration that i am experiencing right now. So till next time, to anyone who reads my blog....Good night and Good luck for the future.

So, i realize that it is quiet early in the morning when this post will be finalized and uploaded on Livejournal. It is already 4:03 AM while i am writing these words....and for those with flickering brains...writing these words....the timing is beyond the therehold of four and unlike Hillary Clinton's wet wishes for some Obama superdelegates changing their minds and go back on their words...and come out like old heroes of yore...riding the saddles of beautiful Persian horses into the Battle of Save Hillary's touchis...while the supreme leader of American feminist just sit back, roll up her sleeves ( She is after all one of the ol'average blue collar joes) , pull up her pantsuites and wait for victory. Alas Time doesnt change its minds and it keeps on moving. Hell, my incomprehensible and downright silly diatribe above has now pushed time's boundaries at the edge of 4.06 and 07. Any hooo, i cannot pin this blame on the poor, defenseless reader because i will be the bourgeousie and i fear a workers led communist revolution being instigated against me.  They will be wasting their time though, because unlike the supreme CZAR ,whose throne was decorated with some of the most stunning ornaments, rocks, diamonds found in any part of the world where humans can see and breathe AND who was recongized by the ruling church as Russia's own King Gyanendra, someone who rules as an intercessor, representative and by decree of GOD. No sir, if a red coup is staged againts me what the communist will find is not a throne of shalimar, neither a bearded angel blessed by god and told to be more modest in his clothing than Adam but also more pompous and grandious. Instead the commie's will find a comfy leather chair with my ass face imprinted on its surface, a beautiful black desk with evidence of my past dietary crimes littered all over the desk like ugly semen stains on a C.S.I investigation. And then there is me, i dont even get to rule in my own house LET alone a vast empire that stretches from the coast of the Baltic to the freeze of the Barentz. I am lucky enough to have the washroom to myself for an hour in which i construct imaginary empires, legendary figures and their mythical heroic deeds, slimy and corrupt politicians and a world forever divided between the great ideological struggle of the 20th century, Liberalism vs Conservatism.
On a side note, Obama is great and all, but he should take some serious bad-assery and putting a critter in its place lesson from the great scion of progressive liberalism, Teddy Roosevelt. Wohoo, now this guy packed intelligence with a seemlessly limitless supply of professions that included pretty much everything that a non-carpetbagger, non-criminal, n0n- Ku Klux Klan, and non-minority individual can do in the late 19th and early 20th century America. This guy was smart, daring, athletic, muscular, adventurous, articulate, filled with bombastic bluster and bravado backed by a spirit that believed even before Teddy got his umblical cord cut, that i will live LONG after you are dead my little mortal skin and bone friend. This was the soul of Teddy Roosevelt and if he was running in the primaries, Not only would he have kicked Hillary Clinton's ASS , he woudl have used her post-menopausal, post-Bill, post-panderring body to wipe the floor were Obama accepted his nomination. And if Hillary would have continued with her shrieking, pleading, insane histrionics about how she is better, more electable, more irratable, more qualified than Teddy to be the nominee, Roosevelt would have taken his massive cane and shoved all the way up to Clintons head, tearing her ego apart in the process. Its an accomplishment for the most seasoned of politicians if they can tear clintonian ego in two and serve it as the main course with a Rissoto of Hill and Bill's ASSES. In fact, to Clinton's supporters he would have handed the Broom and asked them to clean the convention floor at Denver and to take their paycheacks after election day. Ahh...if only we can see such humble changes filled with the utmost contempt and antagonism backed by intelligence, wit, athlestism and dare do from Obama.

Now i gave two interviews today for a CSR position. And no, just because i am canadian does not mean i have to take a Hittlorian Anti-Ameican stance and produce my own bastardization of C.S.I. It means customer service representative and most of my work will be focused towards giving debtors a call and politely asking them to ;pay back their bills with some extra cash reserved for Interest related payment. Its like going to a person and politely telling them that hey we want you to start paying money AND more money then from your alreayd dwindling cash resources. How anyone can be perceived as polite doing what essentially amounts to Mafioso level legalized corporate telephonic extortion, is completly beyond me. But, if you believe that it is quiet understandable and there is no inherent contradiction in being polite and demanding like a jack's ass that has just contributed to the GreenHouse effect, than step in line. You are officially those people i would like to insert a totem pole into their anus and politly ask them "I know it hurts but it will allow for greater ass suction in your future." Seriously wtf...is your moral compass pointed in the direction of Larry Flynt or...*GASP*...Bubba Bush.

On the bright side, the interview went quiet well and i gave a telephonic one as well as a personal one. My answers were quiet precise, specific, to-the-point, and exaggerating but with a very high sugarcoating of articulation, confidence and mind-boggling insanity that i just uttered from my mouth with even my brain staring in amazement at the feat my mouth was accomplishing right in front of me. It didnt help that the interviewer was quiet cute and had amazingly nice, round boobs which she caught me staring towards. She constantly, and quiet awkwardly adjusted the lower neck area which was giving me a beautiful, salivating peek-a-boo into the better areas of her cleavage. Still my objective was not to salivate, tongue outstreatched and hanging down the mouth, eye's widened, dick erect, arm's slumped like the horny Italian lawyer in the movie Melena, whose payments for the title characters defense included a doggy style grove in an old creaking Il-Bedo. So i concentrated on the achievement my goal and there are encouraging signs that i will get hired and perhaps begin my long, ardous journey into politely asking people whether they like to be more fucked or even more so fucked.

Lastly, i finally realized Vincent chase is a dirty brown terrorits though it takes some great insight, some admirably broad forsight, and perhaps a lack of Hakim Opticals for someone to call an Asiatic looking dude a dirty brown terrorist. Dirty i can agree on because Vincent Chase has a habit of smelling like expired chinatown noodles, that were kept on the menu by some cunning, shrewd, slimy chinese businessmen under the guise of  "'Expired Noodles Become more Crunchy....Less Heallthy...more Cracky." But a brown and a terrorist...lol...good job my friend....perhaps we should put you guys on a plane to Pakistan and arrange a quanit, serene, friendly, and brotherhood enhancing field trips into the mountains of Waziristan with the REAL BROWN TERRORIST. You will come back either with a hole in your brian or a darkened blakc hole in your ass. Perhaps even both. Dont forget to take some vaseline and Ben gay with you my brothers. Will be good treatment for your sour heads and asses.

Lastly, i admire black chicks. They might be as dark as the hair's on my ass and the inside of a corpses cavities, YET some of them are quiet stunnigly attractive. And then they have the additional responsibility of carrying those huge assets around. It is a difficult job, no less so than the fact that many people who are repulsed by your facial characteristics and attracted like hounds to fresh cow meat. Modesty is a venture for the hopeless and the lost. It is ultimately a committment to a failing course of action. If you have booty the size of Genetically Modified Water Mellon or a triple order of Double Big Mac combos, then there is no use in hiding them In fact, under the harsh restrictions of full or modest clothing these Assets might be perceived as unfortunate abnormalities borne of a young, naive, crack addled birth, in which the danger of pregnancy was discounted by the carnal urge to experience a coke induced orgasm within a tight dark butt. So, our beautiful blackies sturt there beautiful assets out like Nubian Princess of the old. And whether this has a repellent or an attractive effect upon us, we cannot help but admit that deep down inside the endless abyss of human nature, lies in man, a BEAST, hungry and feral enough to be given the freedom to mount a Black Ass, and let its most potent bone Devour it.

I am feeling quiet awkward and slightly guilty about posting this entry right above my previous post. Perhaps it is the shamelessly self-aggrandizing, sleazy and dirty title of the post, or the fact thart therein resides butt naked, artifiicla beauties. But i believe i should share the answer to the title i have bestowed upon this post. It is a quote from the holy book of my faith, the HOLY QURAN, but i sincerely hope that these are words of wisdom that will inspire and be a source of positive inquistiveness amongst whoever has the blessed opportunity to lay their eyes upon this entry:

Holy Quaran: 026:111 They said (Noah's people): Shall we put faith in thee, when the lowest (of the people) follow thee ?
 
Perhaps it is a half-told entry that would require more explanation. But for the more discerning mind, these words from the non-believers of the Noah's nation, hold extremly true to all us human beings who are faced with the daily taunts, pathetic rantings, and shallow reasonings for the fault's that are committed and the insanity displayed by our fellow man. How judgemental, naive and stupid we can be sometimes. And i say these words while remembering the flawed existence that i have clocked on this Earth, myself. Noah was spurned and threatened with stoning just because some of his followers had the idea from the Paris Hilton part of their brain that why should we follow a messenger who is followed by the lowest( Read: poorest, destitute, neediest) of human beings. Perhaps this is why we find it funny to be witty, satirical, mean and downright dismissive in the good that is done by a young fellow helping an elderly man pick up his groceries and an older woman to cross the road. This could be the reason why we snigger at people who take a fall with their earthly belongings in the subways and metro buses. Perhaps this is why we look upon people fighting injustice, hunger, poverty and war around the world as Tsk Tsk poor souls wasting their life away with enjoying the great smell of a freefalling $$$. Because, why should faith be put at the disposal of a person whose following is ingrained in the needy masses and the most helpless amongst us. We want dieties who enrich us with all the gold and painted metal avaialable beneath our rapidly decreasing natural resources reserviour. We want to decorate our dieties with the same ornamate gold as we decorate our celebrities. And my LORD if the diety is a metallica sculpture, a dust ridden artifact or a metaphysical entity like Allah/God/Yahweh who could not be decorated, and worshipped in the ruby temple, and is not an epitome of our hungry celebrity driven culture where we increasingly mimick everything though to us by T.V, newspapers, movies, music, and the pages of Hello! and US magazine.

Timeless words but not enough time to digest them.....their timeless quality limited by time constraints of our lives.

10 WAYS TO ALWAYS FEEL GREAT AND *NEVER* FALL INTO DEPRESSION (Bastardo Pomposo)

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Reply to: pers-686233173@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-19, 3:13AM EDT


1) From puberty until the day you die, fuck as much pussy as possible. This one is self-explanatory and needs no further elaboration. Ride these putanas like you stole them! Bang them like Salvation Army drums! Fuck until your dick is chafed to the point that it hurts to even LOOK AT IT IN THE MIRROR! Stay away from the geriatric set. They'll only slow you down.

2) Make as much money as your talent allows using every advantage that comes your way. If someone tries to interfere, throw them under the fucking bus, literally if necessary. Stampede over anyone who hampers you reaching your goals and do so without remorse. You may not be able to take it with you when you die, but the one with the most toys and the most cash at the end WINS!

3) Treat people right, but ALWAYS treat yourself BETTER. Self-love is the most important kind. NEVER, EVER put the needs of someone else before your own (unless of course you have rugrats, then you brought it on yourself). Always look out for #1, even if it means treating and making the people around you feel like #2. Forget all that peaceful co-existence/tree-hugging bullshit; IT'S SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST BABY! Buy low, sell high. Collect early, pay late.

4) NEVER, EVER tell a woman "I love you". Give them your heart and they take your balls along with it. Never fill out that particular figurative organ donor card. Adopt the Slick Rick axiom on women: TREAT 'EM LIKE THEY'RE PROSTITUTES!

5) Buy the finest things you can afford. In fact buy the finest things even if you CAN'T afford them. Clothes, cars, dwellings, watches, boats. Whatever it is that pleases you. Live every day as if it's your last. Wake up the next day. Repeat.

6) To quote Gecko, if you want a friend get a dog! If you acquire friends of the human male persuasion, a paraphrase of the Godfather line applies: Keep your friends close, destroy and annihilate your enemies, this way you can sleep soundly at night. Be trustworthy, but don't trust *anyone*, especially BROADS! If you've seen the film "The Burning Bed" you know what the fuck I'm talking about!

7) Spend frivolously! You earned it, so you choose how you burn it. Good liquor, fine wine, rare steaks, great cigars, fast cars, and young, hot, LOOSE women! Even if you go broke, you can at least say "yeah, I had it and I FUCKIN' SPENT IT!" No regrets! "Nothing exceeds like excess!" (Elvira Hancock).

8) Have the balls to take big chances! Remember, in this life you stand to gain NOTHING if you don't take some big risks. Gamble. Often. Go "all in" with everything that you do and pursue in life! Fuck sticking in your toes to see if the water is warm enough! DIVE IN HEAD FIRST! Again, NO regrets!

9) Turn the other cheek, this way jealous people can KISS YOUR ASS A SECOND TIME! And they will! Act and present yourself like you own the world and people will believe you do in Branch Davidian fashion. Forget Madonna and her "Four Minutes" diddy. Today's favorite tune is MONEY AND POWER! Hum that tune and the mice will readily follow anywhere you choose to take them. Men will want to be you. Women will want to fuck you. Flash the cash and you'll get PLENTY of ass!

10) Do everything as legally as possible. Pay your taxes, mostly. Keep your word, unless you decide to change your mind. In such a case, it's okay and acceptable to break it. (Even if it isn't, who cares? IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU and what suits YOU!) Never be late, only fashionably. Act as if the only person on this Earth that matters is YOU, because it's the truth. You are at the tail-end of the ME! ME! ME! Decade. Act it! Lastly don't forget: You can lose a *lot* of money chasing women, but you'll *never* lose women chasing money!

There wasnt much of a sleep i was able to acquire last night. In fact, last night is a misnomer, since i slept at 6.30 am and woke up at 11:00 am in the morning. The sweet sound of my mother asking to wake up belied the underbelly of harriness, impatience, and an intense desire of our family to be niagra falls ASAP. Considering that we ended up staying there for only TWO HOURS, the general rush rush discontent in the morning raises serious questions in my mind. What was the use of staying in a  beautiful place such as Niagara Falls( and i am not talking about its ignored ugly step sister Niagara on the Lake) for the same amount of time as it takes to travel to that place? Was the general discord experienced by our family in the morning a result of just leaving for niagara, guzzling gas and leaving an ever larger carbon footprint rather than doing something beneficial for the environment and Actually, walking in the city for a few hours, giving our lungs a taste of the fresh-smog free air, the people watching eye candy, delicious fallside food, theatricality of the city's downtown, and the quaintiness of its parks?

Yes these and many other questions will further heighten suspicions within my mind that my family tends to enjoy the claustrophobia of our 2006 Dodge more than the abundant joys of Southern Ontario's Las Vegas.

Ah nuts...just came back from a journey of self-relaxation with Vincent Chase. He bought some noodles along which we fried and sniffed. Mmmm tasty my friend...though next time i believe you can go easier on the spices. Damn tired at the moment so i will leave my narrative half-baked and hope to finish it 1st thing tommorow afternoon....or night...or in two days....well what the hell are you people so rage-virus-infected and annoyed about. This is my blog and i am the one responsible for saturating its taxt with my indiscernible philosphy on life, family, Canada, food, girls and my insatiable horniness. OOoo....if you are reading this....thanks for the gift NOODLES, that you presented me with such shameless humble on the occasion of my birthday. Seriously i never felt more like Rick "'Cocaine is a helluva drug" James. Poka

Acting is all about Honesty. If you can fake that you have got it made. :)

Why wasnt Christ born in Minnesotta? They could not find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all night? A widow.

Remember gravity is not just a good idea....its the law....and it aint up for repeal.

When you are 80, your back goes out more that you do yourself.


"'The path to advancement is trailblazed by Fiction"  pro_piracy22 (2008)

Well i believe i am turning this blog into a dungeon of my deepest, darkest secrets and completly insane rants. Lol....if anybody happens to stumble upon my blog....and i am going to take a solemn pledge NOT to go on a solemn whirlwind tour to excessively promote my blog, i will attempt to publish some light hearted news, views and confused items upon my blog.

In fact, i will take  a major step towards my recovery from dark, dispondent blog item recovery by saying as little about depression as possible. I will try to be as minimalist and precise regarding my own struggles with depression as possible.

I have been a silent sufferer of the curse bought on by a consistent onset of depression during the past decade of my life. This situation has aggravated during the past 4 years since i migrated to Canada and decided to avail myself of the opportunities available in the Great White North. The first opportunity, and this came quiet unintentionally and i never wanted to be made aware let alone enjoy the advantages of this, was getting my ASS frozen in the desolate, intense and Tyra Banks "Fiercee" cold weather of Canada. But i had some more accidents that i decided to over speed myself into:
1) Alcoholic and Drug excessiveness
2) Party like  a rock star only this star was burning and not shinning atop a hill aka the bethlehem miracle
3) Some truly crappy friends, many of these despicable creatures of the stinkiest sewage were Grade A betrayers, back stabbers, Gossip aunts, malicious rumours disemminators, crooks. I dont hope you die, but for whatever YOU guys have put me through, i hope Karma comes back and Bite you right on  the crotch. Umer & Sajjad, if you ever have the visula pleasure of reading this blog of mine, i just want to confess that i HATE the two of you intensly and with a crusaders passion. You two disgust me and the very presence of your smiling, smug, cocky faces are nauseating for my nostrils.
4) Extremly low grade, metallic grades that i have been cursed with.
5) LAck of self-confidence and self-worth
6) A continual series of complaints, whether retroactive , present and future regarding a semi-self inflicted state that i find myself in.
7) An inability, unwillingness or resourcelessness to pursue my true dreams in regrads to the things that i want to accomplish in life. This last point, more weigtier than the other, affects your ability to consistently keep your mind sane.

Depression is one of the most common cognitive diseases afflicting mankind. It is deceptive, devious, malicious, insane, dark and most prominently quiet invisible. This quality of blackened transparency, that depression possesse in copious quantities, is what makes it the Jack the Ripper of psychiatric diseases. Everybody knows that depression is the reason why a person is suffering from mental illnesses, YET no one figures out how to arrest this malicious serpent. Another problematic factor for depression sufferer's is that there is no visible, recongnizable face that can be established for depression. the symptoms are as diverse as the people who suffer from this affliction. You suffer from panic attacks, persipitation, fast heartbeat, difficulty in breathing and a chocking lump in the throat. The desire to pleasure, achieve is killed in a slow strangualating chock hold. Motivation vanishes, determination fades, and hardwork is ever more harder to accomplish. You deride the prospect of having a social life because either you are too afraid to make your feelings and illness visible in front of your dearest ones OR you are ve abrasive towards these Pleasantville Mortals who will seem bewildered by the situation you find yourself in. They would not understand the magnitude of your suffering, and with all the mental trauma that you are experiencing, explaining to external parties what Spanish Inquisition style torture you are  going through. In fact your social life, for better or worse, becomes a victim of the Depressive Gas Chamber. You loathe your loved one's you despise yourself, and the conclusion is in a one final spiral of suicidal thoughts that engulf even the most rationale part of your minds.

I know these, because i have seen and personally suffered( and continue to do so) with the downbeat symptoms of depression. I hope everyone who suffers through them, has the courage to take some of these following simple steps to combat their depressive mindsets:
1) Take anti-depressants
2) Seek counselling
3) Read books, immerse yourself in a completly new hobby( something that you have desired to undertake for a long period of time) to subdue your concentration towards the fulfillment of this new activity.
4) Exercise, Eat healthy.
4) Take long strolls in a local leafy and spacey environment.
5) Party and increase your socialization with other mortals because they might be suffering through the same problems as you are but are being discreet with their disclosures.
6) Take up a diary and start writing down your experiences as this might help you release the large amount of pent-up frustrations you have boiling like Mt. Vesuvias within yourselfs. Everyone of us is a whiner, so why not whine and complain now rather than making these symptoms visible at a later stage to our own disadvantage.
7) Watch tons of Comedic Shows.
8) Have great, preferably non-monetary, Sex.
9) Immerse yourself in your work and earn tons of $$ before taking a casual and informal break to travel the world.
10) Always think positive and IGNORE people who are the causes of your negativity or think lowly of you.
11) Listen to music, preferably light but even sad as this might give you some encouragement and support especially since you will be aware of the fact that some of your own idols suffered through, along with showing the same patterns, as yourself when under the cloud of depression.
12) Reduce your intake of Alcohol and Drugs as they tend to interrupt with the flow of essential anti-depressant and joy inducing chemicals in the mind that in turn, fucks up with your cognitive process to deduce information in a rationale and positive manner.

I hope if someone reads this, the blog will be helpful for you to commense the journey towards salvation from the devil of depression. Read Wikipedia and go to PBS.com to learn more about depression and how it can be cured, both scientifically and spiritually. Peace

This is perhaps not the smartest neither the most exciting way to begin my journey in the bountiful world of Blogosphere.

Not Smart because as a prophet being mentored by the God's of the Blog world, a topic as polarizing and divisive as Toronto's quality on the standard of living index might create a legion of Piracy haters....and lets admit it...Piracy is considered quite a loathsome profession...perhaps only slightly better than a Lawyer but much much worse than that of a panhandler.

Not Exciting because a considerable swathe of the world population are either indifferent or beset by feelings of pity, loathing and mild delight in their viewpoints regarding Toronto. Many people just dont want to here a Rant....or Rave regarding Toronto's pro's and con's. But listen little sweeties....it is important to be well aware regarding a city's impression imprinted within the mind's of its won denizens before spending that exorbiant dollar on visiting a place you later realize is no more better than Pittsburg. No offense to the Pitts....i just could not think of a more unexciting and cold paradise to compare T-Dot with.

Toronto regards itself as a world class city but in reality it is a shining beacon in the hall of "World Class City Posers"'. Let me take this moment to dispell of some misconceptions that Torontonians hold about themselves. It is believe by T-dot's residents that just because they happen to be the largest city and the wealthiest financial center in one of the largest Western countries, it gives them the drum to beat upon the proclamations of their world class city title. In fact, some locations within T-Dot are quiet Third Class rather than first class and are filled with murky characters, shady going on's and criminal activities of murder, drugs, and theft proportions. Such prime example of felonious and filthy real estate in T-Dot consists of Sherbourne Street, Jane-Finch, some areas of Scarborough, Rexdale, and practically the whole patch of West end from Spadina to atleast Runnymede.  It is a wrong assumption that just because you are large, that gives you a birthright to call yourself World Class. It doesnt! Fairly good amount of Large cities in Western Countries lack the status of being called World class such as Melbourne, Madrid, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Miami, Houston, Auckland,  Manchester etc.

The fact is to be called a truly World Class City, a location needs to possess a failry low crime rate as a proportion of their population, high income and economic growth, a stable AND strong infrastructure, transparent political process, state of the art transportaion, excellent road and air qualities, a diverse and multi-cultural population ( after all we are talking about a World City), superior educational institutes, quality entertainment venues, and a world class financial system. A beautiful and well developed waterfront can be thrown on the side as a complement but not a necessasity.

Toronto, my friends, lack a number of the above required pre-requisites to be the World players they desire to be. The city is awash in a wave of Crime, Drugs, excessive prostitution. I am appreciative of the work being put in to eradicate or control these felonies, by the Toronto police. But the City Hall and our Dear Premier are more deeply concerned about the level of vehicular accidents occuring on the city and the provinces roads. While certainly a matter of deep concern, stringent new anti-impairement legislation and increased vigilance shown by the OPP and Toronto police have not stopped unfortunate events such as drunk driving from occuring. My point in all of this banter is to highlight that terminating drunk, reckless jaunts across the city's roads will only be stopped through increased education of our resolutely ignorant masses. Those who drink and drive will, no matter how strict the interpretation of law applied by the Police. It is more smarter to make police aware of the problems on the City's Street's rather than on its roads because most drivers are quiet obedient of the Toronto driving laws ( After being ripped off by the MTO to gain 3....yes 3 drivers license who would not be). The more police will be aware of the crime plaguing Toronto's streets, the more they will make the sleeping(elected) beauties in the City Hall aware of these problems. Then we can get some pocket money to be spent on combating these grave social vices.

The income growth of Toronto seems to be quiet static during the course of my 4 year abode in the great "DOT" which is more of like a "Blank". There has not been an explosive growth of income in Toronto, apart from the Real estate industry and i am only making this assumption based upon how the city's skyline is being choked by grotesque looking condominiums AND the relentless retinal assaults of South Asian Real Estate agenst and their hopelessly corny, streotype perpetuating commercials. And i say this as a South Asian so there is no hint of prejudice in my statement.  The milk will be seperated from water once the predictions by such albatrosses of Canadian banking systems such as TD bank and RBC regarding Ontarios near recessionary growth rate during 2008 are realized. With 0.3-0.8% growth rate, this teaming mass humanity inhabiting the banks of lake Onatrio are going to suffer a rude kick-in-the-crotch awakening. Besides, a number of the recent real estate boom can be credited to the burgeoning mass of Immigrant humanity who are increasingly calling Toronto home or have reached a Maturity in their earning in comparion to the scratch with which they started life. Ther are now able to afford homes and are one of the primary driving forces behind the recent housing boom.

I dont want to spend an eternity trying to detail the infrastructural problems besetting the city of Toronto. The population is booming exponentially and in comparison, the infrastructure growth leaves a lot to be desired about. Some subway stations such as Kennedy, Kipling, Victoria Park, Islington, Runnymede and Bloor are downright filthy and disgusting. There is rubbish strewn all across many a popular streets, malls and subway stations. Considering the city garbage collectors get over $ 25 an hour, i would expect some sense of decency and committment in solving the wastage problems suffered by the locals. But noooooo.....if we want them to work more, we will have to pay them more. $ 25/hr and still they want more....wtf....no wonder the city has been endlessly teeteing on the brink of bankruptcy. Depleted and ageing residential housing units are bearing the brunt of the new residency hunting populace but the government safety inspectors give them a clean health check so somebody can take in the population because LITERALLY the city has run dry of cash required to procure fairly decent housing units. Worse come Worse, these vermins leeching on the hardwork and naivette of the ever increasing potato harvest, are allowed to go scot free with a slap on the wrist fine. In fact, Desperation breeds Greed which breeds deprivation and further depletion. In its hunger for Money, the city government has resorted to applying paper only fines to various health and safety violators, so that they can pay the fine and continue their business operations. This way the city will get some much needed cash injection and will let the criminal out of prison, so that he might be stopped on the street and made the cash cow again. Then, in an ill-advised move, the city raises property and personal taxes in a bid to streghthen its coffers to spend upon the rapidly decaying infrastructure. What they did not realize was that these taxes are being passed on the common man, people like my father, whose consumption tendencies will be blunted through high taxes, and thus some legitimate venues of earning extra $$ for the city by using its services such as transportation, festivals, spending on local business on whom the city levies taxes. All of which will make Toronto either poorer or marginally better, and Toronto requires more than margins if it wants to sustain even its current state of infrastructural growth.

AND finally entertainment!!! In this city you will find a wide and rich assortment of Bars, Night Clubs, Entertainment venues catering to the diverse clientelle that is present in T-Dot. I must say the entertainment scene is decent but hardly World Classy. The bars are perhaps the best place to meet really cool and down to earth individuals who call T-Dot their home. There is fairly decent food(mmm suicidal wings) served in most bars and for better or worse the alcohol is moderatly priced. The night clubs, however, are largely a sham. Guv, Cirqua and a couple of night clubs downtown on Richmond street are good BUT most are filled with posers, wannabe's, highly maintened, and quiet low octaned individuals. MANY of them pretend that they are so better than others, and carry a holier-than-thou aloof attitude. They believe they are partying in the yuppie havens of NY and the celebrity joints of L.A but in fact Both of these factors are missing from the T-Dot club scene. It is better not to dwell further on these pathetic and sad people. Truly they are the Beautiful people that Marilyn Manson talked about. Even the strip clubs are quiet substandard, atleast in the downtown core. And if a sleazy place like a Nudie bar is sub-standard, it gives you quiet a clear idea over how other entertainment venues across the city fare like. Cinema's are abundant though the downtown one's are exorbiantly priced with tickets ranging from $ 11-13 per person....Yikes!!!  Apart from that we have a few artistic flavored bars at Queen street but these are the marginalized lot of the society and many of them either acts like their contemporaries down south or across the atlantic. They smoke a J and think that being baked as more useful than being a microvawe baking an endless array of creative achievement to be marvelled.

But i do give Toronto some props and even a slight leeway in my generally harsh judgements regarding the city. The educational institutions are quiet robust with such world class schools as U of T, and York situated within the city's parameters. Of course, tuition fee's are high but we should blame the eggheadedness of the Mcguinty government rather than the equally eggheaded David Millers City government. To be fair, the egg is frying on the heads of these two opportunists and perhaps is the reason for their delutional and deceptive mindset. PLUS, the city is quite multicultural and to its credit takes pride in its diversity. 50% of Toronto's population is either foreign born or belong to a visible minority. This city has the flavor of the world brewed in its sour stew, and is perhaps its most delicious ingredient. You can be from any part of the world and most likely you will find a fellow ethnic or an eatery serving your foreign manufactured tastes. We have the chinatown, Korea town, Little India, Greek Town, Italian Town, Sushi shops, Pho shops, Biryani houses, Salsa studios, Russian restaurants, French cuisine, Fish N Chips, almost everything for anybody who has been blessed with the gift of life in some non-Toronto or non-Canada land. Believe me, if a city like T-Dot existed in the Balkans, the streets would be flowing with bloods and the air will be penetrated by sounds of gunfire and the pungent stink of burning buildings. Lastlly, this city has given me a life away from home in a western nation. I appreciate this fact and the fact that on this city's soil my father has been able to provide bread and butter for his family.

I just wished there werent so many crappy difficulties to sour an otherwise OK experience i have had in this city. Peace